By Christopher Cappiello

The Commitment: Love, Sex, Marriage, and My Family

By Dan Savage
Dutton, $24.95

Dan Savage, author of the sometimes saucy syndicated sex column "Savage Love" leads a surprisingly conventional life. He works as a writer and editor, bringing home the bacon so his longtime partner Terry can be a stay-at-home dad with their adopted son, DJ. The Commitment is Savage's sometimes hilarious, sometimes poignant memoir of the events leading up to the couple's 10th anniversary party. In a twist of divine irony, Savage's 60-something Catholic mother is pressuring the couple to get married. Savage and Terry aren't sure, afraid to jinx their loving relationship with public vows. Terry suggests matching "property of" tattoos. The biggest hitch? Six-year-old DJ is against a wedding. Savage's observations on nature/nurture and socialized beliefs are sharp and funny. He recalls how Terry claims he's against marriage because he doesn't want to act like straight people. "I believe the first time he made this comment, he was folding my laundry, balancing our baby on his hip, and stirring a pot of grits on the stove," Savage observes. An anniversary party is the compromise, with a party planner hired and a fancy room booked for a dinner. "No gifts, no toasts," the invitation reads. Savage provides loving and laugh-out-loud accounts of family vacations, normal nights at home, and the challenges of raising a child in a nontraditional family. His mother has a wonderful scene explaining why her gay son should marry his partner (I picture Shirley MacLaine playing the role in the movie), and DJ, of course, provides some of the most profound wisdom in the story. A false ending and a suprise finale cap this well-told tale of a completely unconventional family that turns out to be touchingly traditional.

Raising Boys Without Men

By Peggy Drexler, Ph.D., with Linden Gross
Rodale, $23.95

With Raising Boys Without Men, psychology professor and former Stanford University gender scholar Peggy Drexler reports the results of her long-term research into the lives of boys raised by female-headed households. The book's subhead, "How Maverick Moms Are Creating the Next Generation of Exceptional Men," is essentially the message of the book. Through careful observations of boys raised by single mothers and lesbian couples in the Bay Area, Drexler concludes that such "missing dad" households are turning out boys who are in touch with their emotions, communicate effectively, and often have more male role models than boys raised by traditional heterosexual couples. (Her research also included observing traditional "Mom and Dad" households for comparison.) One of Drexler's biggest conclusions is that a child's healthy development has more to do with socioeconomic factors than the number or gender of the parents; however, her research seems confined to seemingly prosperous Bay Area families, and there is little discussion of economics in the book. Two of the most interesting findings are that boys raised by lesbian couples spend less time with babysitters and outside caregivers, and those boys also benefit from having male role models who have been carefully selected by their parents for the job. While Drexler and her writing partner Linden Gross illustrate each finding with examples from the families she observed over several years, the project often feels like a careful proof of a conclusion reached before the research began.

50 Fabulous Gay-Friendly Places to Live

By Gregory A. Kompes
Career Press, $24.99

Tired of the Southern California traffic and pace? Thinking of relocating? Gregory A. Kompes' 50 Fabulous Gay-Friendly Places to Live provides an organized if slightly clinical look at a variety of towns and cities, large and small, that are welcoming to gays and lesbians. Kompes says he started with more than 400 places and after interviews with local officials, business owners, residents and activists, gradually trimmed the list. All the usual suspects are here -- San Francisco, Key West, Manhattan, West Hollywood -- as well as a number of surprises. Ithaca, N.Y.? Who knew? If you can get past the "downright nasty" winters, the local universities provide a serious infusion of open-minded culture, and the Finger Lakes region abounds in natural beauty. How about Collingswood, N.J.? The tiny suburb located a stone's throw from Philadelphia is "the poster-child success story of modern urban development," and a fixer-upper's heaven with Victorian and arts and crafts homes abounding. The drawback? The surrounding city of Camden is "one of the most dangerous in the country." Kompes' compilation includes weather information, real estate tips, an overview of each town's gay community and annual events, and helpful contact information for local publications and LGBT organizations. The book also comes with a handy interactive CD that allows readers to search and cross reference among the various cities.

The Complete Gay Divorce

By Brette McWhorter Sember
Career Press, $14.99

With gay marriage legal in Massachusetts and all the provinces of Canada, it was only a matter of time before gay divorce would become an issue for our community. New York attorney Brette McWhorter Sember steps into the legal breach with The Complete Gay Divorce, a thoughtful, up to the minute guide to dissolving a same-sex relationship. Sember's helpful, clearly organized book addresses the complex and varied elements of ending a legal marriage, civil union, domestic partnership and a simple cohabitation. She carefully explores issues of child custody, child support, division of possessions and real estate, and shared debts. Because same-sex relationships have no legal recognition in most states, many couples travel to Massachusetts or Canada to get married, or Vermont to register their civil union. Sember provides important information about how to end such legal unions, and in some cases it's a bit thorny. As easy as it is to cross the border and get married in Canada, it isn't so simple to end that legal relationship. What Canada has joined, let no man tear asunder -- at least not for one year. Divorce in Canada comes with a one-year residency requirement, presenting a host of immigration and work issues for American couples. Sember provides dozens of sidebar examples of real-life couples and their specific divorce challenges. She writes with compassion and provides helpful checklists and extensive appendices with important legal information. She covers a lot of nuts and bolts information while never losing sight of the important emotional component of divorce. While laws are changing swiftly in this area, for now her book is a valuable tool for couples whose fairy-tale gay marriage has turned sour.